The Devil Inside Me: Finding Jesus in a Life of Struggle - Sarah Johnson
Sarah, describes in detail her grueling 24-year battle with a medical condition called Superior Mesenteric Artery Syndrome (SMAS), which she believes could’ve claimed her life had it not been for her relationship with God. Sarah has written her book in the sole interest of helping others who, like her, have faced difficult and life-altering hardships. Her story is one of courage, faith and perseverance, which, when woven together, have enabled her to overcome obstacles and emerge even stronger.
Transcript
Hi everyone.
Speaker:Welcome back to Author Ecke and today we have Sarah Johnson.
Speaker:I'm gonna let her introduce herself, talk about, uh, her books.
Speaker:And I found out that she was a storm chaser.
Speaker:So we're gonna talk about that too, cause we're not only gonna talk
Speaker:about, you know, what's going on in the book world, but also just in
Speaker:general to have a great conversation.
Speaker:So Sarah, take it.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:Um, I'm Sarah Johnson.
Speaker:I live in Indianapolis, Indiana, a little town called new Palestine,
Speaker:which is Southeast of the city.
Speaker:Um, So I, uh, wrote a book.
Speaker:I, I still think that it sounds weird to say that we all do for
Speaker:us to say it for the, we wrote one.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:My book is, uh, the devil inside me finding Jesus in a life of struggle.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:And, I, I wrote this book in the interest of helping others.
Speaker:I excellent.
Speaker:It's really a nonfiction story about a medical mystery that I had.
Speaker:And, it took doctors over 23 years to diagnose my problem.
Speaker:And I felt in that time period that I came very close to death.
Speaker:Oh, wow.
Speaker:And the experiences that came along with that , led me down a spiritual path.
Speaker:And, and ultimately I, uh, wanted to share my testimony and hopes of helping people,
Speaker:not only to help them deal with, um, any problems they might have in their lives.
Speaker:Obviously we all have them right, right.
Speaker:To one degree or another . Some of them are quite life altering as was yes.
Speaker:My situation.
Speaker:Um, And if I can help someone out, even, even to, um, the point of making
Speaker:someone feel like they're not alone, , with their struggle, um, all the way
Speaker:to the end of the curve, which could ultimately lead someone to Christ.
Speaker:So my book is twofold in that regard.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:And, uh, can't believe I did it.
Speaker:It's 36 chapters.
Speaker:The, the chapters are intentionally relatively short
Speaker:, averaging about five pages.
Speaker:Um, and I did that cuz I wanted it to be a quick read.
Speaker:I did not want to get bored and put it down.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:Uh, But, uh, do you have a, do you have a picture of the
Speaker:book or the cover of the book?
Speaker:Can we see it?
Speaker:Let's see that bad boy.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Although, um, you know, the one I use for talking Uhhuh is my
Speaker:very first proof copy oh, wow.
Speaker:And so I've got this strip across the front that says not for
Speaker:resale Uhhuh, but I, you know, I did that for a couple reasons.
Speaker:One because when I got my very first.
Speaker:Copy in the mail.
Speaker:I was so excited and I, you know, it wasn't just excitement because
Speaker:Ooh, now I'm an author, right?
Speaker:It was excitement because here in my hand now is a source
Speaker:that so many people can access.
Speaker:To get through something really, really trying.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:And, um, it's this, this little strip on the front is a reminder to me about
Speaker:how excited I was and to keep that passion and that motivation alive in me.
Speaker:To keep going with what I originally wrote it for.
Speaker:Well, you know, it may be, you know, somebody pick it up.
Speaker:Now this could be some preventive, uh, medicine for 'em, right?
Speaker:Yes, absolutely.
Speaker:It's not only during, after, but prepping cause.
Speaker:It's inevitable, right?
Speaker:Yeah, absolutely inevitable.
Speaker:So I think that's the way to look at it.
Speaker:Just not if you have, but you know, or if you know somebody or so it's, it's a
Speaker:great way to show your love, appreciation to somebody by trying to help them
Speaker:without saying I'm gonna help you.
Speaker:And it's funny, you mentioned that because when I do my book signings
Speaker:, there is always someone who says, you know, don't put my name on it.
Speaker:I would like to give it as a gift to someone that I, yeah.
Speaker:Um, you know, whether it's leukemia was a recent one, um, or
Speaker:my, my family's dealt with that.
Speaker:My granddaughter had leukemia.
Speaker:So I've dealt with that.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:It's, it's very common, unfortunately.
Speaker:Yeah, but, um, yeah.
Speaker:Giving, giving the book as a gift is, is a wonderful idea.
Speaker:Even if you feel like you don't need it, of course.
Speaker:It's it's, you know, it's sometimes people don't only think about themselves.
Speaker:It's stranger.
Speaker:That sounds . That's true.
Speaker:Christmas is coming up and it is Christ's birthday, so it's perfect.
Speaker:There you go.
Speaker:so what.
Speaker:How long did it take you to write it?
Speaker:I mean, evidently you said you struggled that for years.
Speaker:Was it like I'm gonna write a book or I've been writing one.
Speaker:I'm gonna think about it.
Speaker:Cuz I know when I told people I'm gonna write a book, they looked at
Speaker:me like, first of all, it was okay.
Speaker:Travis, how many beers have you had?
Speaker:uh, and okay.
Speaker:Because I, I, I pretty eclectic sometimes.
Speaker:So once I said I did, I had to do it.
Speaker:There was no turning back.
Speaker:Now I've said I'm writing the second one.
Speaker:I've gotta do it.
Speaker:And I've really taken writing.
Speaker:Almost do a full time job right now.
Speaker:Good.
Speaker:Uh, to do it because it, it takes it's, it's hard.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:So what let's tell, you know, did you self-publish, what are
Speaker:your, what were your struggles?
Speaker:How long did it take, you know, or an advice that you can give some young,
Speaker:aspiring, or old aspiring author, author to be or whatever they want, or just write
Speaker:something to help your, help you out?
Speaker:Just write something down.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:My, my advice to someone thinking about writing a book is.
Speaker:You have some reason for thinking that it, it would help someone
Speaker:or help yourself sometimes.
Speaker:Um, you know, something I experienced was that it was so therapeutic for me.
Speaker:To write it.
Speaker:So not only am I helping someone else potentially, but I'm helping myself by.
Speaker:Writing this almost like, um, you know, the same effect you
Speaker:would get from journaling.
Speaker:Yes.
Speaker:Um, and you know, as, as good as it was, I had moments where I thought,
Speaker:you know, I'm, I'm, I'm struggling to get through this because I'm dealing
Speaker:with it all over again, emotionally.
Speaker:Ah, I'm riding peel the scab.
Speaker:I'm yes.
Speaker:I'm writing about something that was so extremely painful to me., that it,
Speaker:it is like pouring salt in a wound.
Speaker:Oh yeah.
Speaker:But, um, you know, you're, you're taking that emotion and you're
Speaker:sharing it with someone else.
Speaker:Who's going to need it later.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:So my, my advice to someone, you know, thinking about writing is, is to keep
Speaker:thinking about it and make a decision to.
Speaker:Yep.
Speaker:There's a reason why you're, you're getting that itch.
Speaker:Exactly what my books are fiction, but what I try to put in each, well,
Speaker:my only got one, so I'm writing second, but each book first and,
Speaker:you know, uh, ones after this is.
Speaker:Put in something personal, not maybe not personal to me, but something
Speaker:personal that somebody can relate to in the book to humanize it.
Speaker:It's a fiction book, but humanize it right.
Speaker:Put in something in the book that, oh, I've known somebody with that.
Speaker:Or I, I, I I've dealt with it myself to kind of relate back to themselves,
Speaker:even though it's a fiction book, uh, to kind of look in it themselves
Speaker:and become part of the book.
Speaker:But yours is non.
Speaker:So you were the book, you are the book, right?
Speaker:I mean, you are the.
Speaker:And even, you know, the, the, uh, great thing about fiction books is that, you
Speaker:know, maybe someone is having a hardship and you're, you're allowing them an
Speaker:opportunity to escape that temporarily.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Uh, you know, I did that in my own situation.
Speaker:Mm-hmm , you know, when I was sick and I, you know, I'm, I'm looking to do
Speaker:something else to keep my mind busy.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:Books are a great way to do that.
Speaker:They are.
Speaker:I, I like to say I hate to.
Speaker:I hate to write, but I like telling stories in the written form.
Speaker:Because people that know me know that I can't write I'm
Speaker:terrible but, uh, but I enjoy it.
Speaker:And I like talking to other people that have, you know, whether it's
Speaker:fiction or nonfiction or biography or autobiography or whatever it
Speaker:may be that you put yourself out.
Speaker:When you, when you write it right.
Speaker:And you're putting yourself out there, no matter what, because there
Speaker:are people out there they're gonna read it and they're gonna be critics.
Speaker:There's always critics.
Speaker:Um, oh yeah.
Speaker:So what are you self-published or did you just like, did you just start, you
Speaker:know, one day say, okay, I'm gonna write.
Speaker:And you started writing and how did that, how was that flow or
Speaker:what was the process of that?
Speaker:Well, um, after I got my diagnosis,, finally , I had a surgery, a
Speaker:corrective surgery, and, um, that happened shortly before Thanksgiving.
Speaker:So, um, it was around Thanksgiving when I, I first thought about writing this
Speaker:book and, you know, what was really weird was that I, I felt as strange as it is
Speaker:to say, I felt like it was not my own.
Speaker:I felt like, oh, wow.
Speaker:Interesting.
Speaker:I felt like someone or something was telling me, write your story.
Speaker:Right, right.
Speaker:Your story.
Speaker:Um, and I couldn't shake it.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:You know, I think we all deal with the self criticism and on occasion, you
Speaker:know, we have such self doubt about not being able to fulfill or to do
Speaker:the things that we may desiring to do.
Speaker:Um, you know, and, and there are things that people don't follow through with
Speaker:because they don't think they're capable.
Speaker:And those insecurities can keep us from a lot of things . And so I think it
Speaker:was completely normal for me to, you know, kind of yell back at this voice.
Speaker:What , you know, like who's talking to me, why, why me who's going exactly.
Speaker:Who would ever read a book that I try to write?, and you know, making it to
Speaker:the end would be an impossible feat.
Speaker:It seems like it sometimes doesn't it.
Speaker:Yes, it really does.
Speaker:It does.
Speaker:You know, it does.
Speaker:Um, but yeah, I, I would dismiss the idea and then be doing, be doing
Speaker:something and at random write your story.
Speaker:and I just, I couldn't get the idea to be quiet.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:It was constant.
Speaker:And one day I'd had enough of it.
Speaker:I took a blanket out to the backyard with a notebook and a pen.
Speaker:Oh, wow.
Speaker:And it was a that's old school it was a beautiful day out, extra, you know, kind
Speaker:of abnormally sunny for that time of year.
Speaker:Um, and I went outside and I just, I told my husband, I, I have to just
Speaker:start, um, you know, I, I have to, I have to give it a try so that I
Speaker:can authentically say that I did.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Because if I don't try, then it's not going.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:So I, uh, I sat down on this, on this blanket and I, uh, I set a little
Speaker:prayer , you know, like if I'm really supposed to do this, then you are
Speaker:gonna have to help me with it, Lord.
Speaker:Like, I can't do this on my own.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:Um, and then I'm okay, well, where do I start?
Speaker:Uh, and the only place I knew to start was the.
Speaker:So I started writing about my very first memory of my symptoms.
Speaker:And for those that aren't familiar with my content or my history,
Speaker:um, I couldn't pronounce it.
Speaker:That's why I don't say it.
Speaker:I began experiencing symptoms.
Speaker:My freshman year of college, I had been completely fine, very healthy as a child.
Speaker:I could eat anything I wanted to.
Speaker:Um, so I, I get to college.
Speaker:I went to ball state in Muncy, Indiana and, um, you know, I, I would have
Speaker:like, A 10 o'clock French class.
Speaker:And then I would have another class at one o'clock mm-hmm or two o'clock.
Speaker:So I, I had a break to come home and, and have a lunch and to maybe watch TV
Speaker:or do something, you know, to cushion that time until I had to leave again.
Speaker:And my, my first memory was, um, when we lived in a house off campus.
Speaker:I'm making macaroni and cheese for lunch.
Speaker:And, um, that's a college kid's, uh, lunch, by the way, uh, universal that
Speaker:and ramen noodles I had it all the time.
Speaker:It was so good.
Speaker:And it was cheap.
Speaker:Of course, of course.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:It's fantastic store for the that's a staple.
Speaker:You have that's probably a question on a test.
Speaker:What'd you eat for lunch and if you say Mac and cheese, you get an.
Speaker:So, I dunno, I think that's a great idea.
Speaker:so I'm making this Mac and cheese and you know, not, not a care in the world about
Speaker:its effects and, um, finished eating.
Speaker:Um, you know, realized all of a sudden I'm, you know, if I don't hurry up,
Speaker:I'm gonna be late kind of thing.
Speaker:Grabbed my bag and out the door I went and I'm about halfway to class.
Speaker:When I get hit with this real clammy nausea, you know, just this duck
Speaker:feeling um, and I instantly thought, oh, I hope I'm not getting the flu.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:Because that's exactly what it felt like.
Speaker:Um, you know, your stomach's all of a sudden, really edgy and just, I was
Speaker:feeling like I was sweating, but it wasn't hot enough outside to be, you know, right.
Speaker:Feeling like that.
Speaker:By the time I got to my class, I felt like I was gonna yak and I was
Speaker:sure I was going to, so I avoided the classroom and detoured to the bathroom.
Speaker:Where I proceeded to throw up . And then it's like, okay, you know,
Speaker:maybe something I ate was bad.
Speaker:I had had cut up hot dogs in my macaroni , which is something I just
Speaker:learned to you are a college student.
Speaker:yeah.
Speaker:. And in fact, my book says, I don't know where I learned to like that, but someone
Speaker:told me to try it at some point, I guess it's like, uh, spaghetti and meatballs
Speaker:with just cheese and no, uh, Marin.
Speaker:And it's exactly right.
Speaker:I know maybe no meat.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:And I, I went home and, you know, after I recovered, of course, I'm digging through
Speaker:the trash for the hot dog package to look at the day , you know, I was thinking
Speaker:what in the world would've caused me to be sick, cuz I'll tell you what I got home.
Speaker:And I immediately went to bed.
Speaker:Um, I was, I was worried about having another.
Speaker:Episode of throwing up.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:And so, you know, for a few minutes I sat there UN uncertain.
Speaker:And then when I, when I finally thought, well, maybe I'm safe.
Speaker:I, I laid down and I took like a two hour nap and I, I woke
Speaker:up feeling perfectly fine.
Speaker:Which was odd.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:And how great, because it was almost the weekend and I thought, well, at least
Speaker:I'm not gonna be sick for the weekend.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:But you know what I, what I did spend my weekend doing was wondering what, what
Speaker:that was, um, what caused it, because I certainly don't want it to happen again.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Um, and, you know, just like that it was over no other signs, um, right.
Speaker:Nothing.
Speaker:So I went about my business and, you know, I don't know, it was probably a couple
Speaker:months later when it happened again.
Speaker:Hmm.
Speaker:And fast forward, this, this, uh, reoccurring bout of symptoms.
Speaker:Resurface again, every so often.
Speaker:And after, after maybe the sixth or seventh time, I began to think
Speaker:there's something wrong with me.
Speaker:you know, this, this isn't your average, 24 hour bug kind of thing.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:So then I, I went through the dilemma of, you know, okay.
Speaker:Do I tell my parents, do I continue to hide?
Speaker:Um, I didn't wanna, you know, I mean, I was an adult at that point, obviously, but
Speaker:you don't wanna freak your parents out.
Speaker:I didn't wanna freak my parents out.
Speaker:And I also did not want to get in trouble for not saying anything . Because I
Speaker:could see my parents getting upset with me for withholding that kind of, yeah.
Speaker:Oh yeah.
Speaker:Especially when you're not going to class so yeah, true.
Speaker:Probably worse.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Although, uh, I, I tried really hard to suppress, um, I had a part-time job.
Speaker:I worked at the hardware store during that time to, to earn some bucks and, uh, had a
Speaker:few times where I would miss a work shift.
Speaker:Or I'd get to work, you know, and, and I had just had dinner because my
Speaker:shift was from five to nine, right.
Speaker:So I would have a bite of dinner before leaving for work.
Speaker:And by the time I got to work, I was sick.
Speaker:Um, so that that's really, you know, the onset of this ordeal.
Speaker:And so that's where I started.
Speaker:My book was from very.
Speaker:Of this all happening.
Speaker:How long did it take you to write your book?
Speaker:It took me two and a half years.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:From start to finish.
Speaker:Um, and I, you know, some, some people will write their entire book
Speaker:and then start the editing process.
Speaker:I chose to edit simultaneously and I, I don't know whether or not
Speaker:that made the process faster.
Speaker:. But it made me feel like I was utilizing my time wisely.
Speaker:Because it, you know, the chapter I had just written was fresh in my mind
Speaker:when I went back to make changes.
Speaker:Oh, good.
Speaker:Um, I took a writing class.
Speaker:We have here in Indianapolis, we have a, a writing center.
Speaker:Where you can take classes and get some coaching.
Speaker:Um, and I, I took a class on, I think I would have to take the, the pre-class to.
Speaker:The write your alphabet.
Speaker:the class on?
Speaker:Do you wanna write this?
Speaker:no class on you need to take a pre-class to this.
Speaker:Make sure you can get in this class and write.
Speaker:I'd have to take like pre let me see your alphabets.
Speaker:Do your alphabets.
Speaker:So my, my writing instructor, um, was very encouraging and I ended up meeting
Speaker:with him after class mm-hmm . Um, he shared in class that, on the side,
Speaker:he edits for people and I knew that that was kind of the next step for me.
Speaker:Right, right.
Speaker:Was to find an.
Speaker:And I knew nothing about the process., so if anything, you
Speaker:know, a, do you wanna edit for me?
Speaker:please?
Speaker:Who could I talk to?
Speaker:Yeah, so, um, you know, he, he was my, my springboard, really, because even after
Speaker:writing chapter one, there was still that, you know, should I just take this.
Speaker:Packet of papers and bottom up, like , you know, is this really
Speaker:a valuable way to spend my time?
Speaker:Am I really going to write this whole thing?
Speaker:And it does take time.
Speaker:People don't realize it's, it's almost, it occupies a lot of, a lot of free time.
Speaker:Yes it does.
Speaker:Or, you know, or am I gonna get halfway through and wish I had been
Speaker:doing something else right at my time.
Speaker:And you know, his name was Jeff.
Speaker:and bless his heart he was so encouraging and he said, you know, you really have
Speaker:a story to tell and you have something here that, that would really, um, be
Speaker:helpful to other people and I, you know, he was reading my mind because I really
Speaker:thought that's, that's what I wanna do.
Speaker:That would be my goal if I go forward with this.
Speaker:Yes.
Speaker:Um, so he said, I'd be happy to look at chapter one for you.
Speaker:Um, and then, you know, we can start this, you know, quote unquote relationship
Speaker:as more of a mentor coach thing.
Speaker:To see if this is really for you.
Speaker:Um, so we met at the library a couple of times, and that
Speaker:was right before COVID hit.
Speaker:Oh, no.
Speaker:And so we had just kind of ramped the project up when, you know,
Speaker:we got hit with this brick wall.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:Um, but the good thing is COVID I think COVID allowed me the time that I
Speaker:might not have had otherwise to just.
Speaker:Kind of forced me into isolation and you know, okay, well now I have, I
Speaker:have all this time that I can't go places I would normally go I can't
Speaker:see people I would normally see.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:So, you know, instead of sitting here watching might as well
Speaker:write a book, I might as, yeah.
Speaker:So not even on my bucket list, but I'm gonna do it.
Speaker:So, uh, so I did, and I, you know, I.
Speaker:I wrote chapter two and I, I just, you know, I, I never wrote an outline.
Speaker:Some people start out that way and they're really, you know, in, in my opinion, there
Speaker:is no right or wrong way to write a book.
Speaker:You do it the way I would agree.
Speaker:You feel natural.
Speaker:And for me, it was just, it was just right.
Speaker:And don't stop.
Speaker:Um, I learned I was a, a, a, they have a type of author.
Speaker:I'm a pants.
Speaker:Which is a type of author, which doesn't have it just
Speaker:writes whatever's on your mind.
Speaker:Just write.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Write and write.
Speaker:It's like brain brainstorming.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Wherever that takes me, then I, yes, I go.
Speaker:Or I'll come back.
Speaker:Or, and when I edit, I like to print it out and read it like a book.
Speaker:Yeah, me, me too.
Speaker:That's the way I like to edit.
Speaker:Cuz I can find things then I do can always look at the screen.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:Exactly.
Speaker:And I like to, I find it enjoyable to ride outside in the morning.
Speaker:I go outside I'm in Texas.
Speaker:So you can write 10, 11 months outta the year outside, probably
Speaker:12, if you wear a jacket.
Speaker:So I like doing that in the morning and listening to music at the same time.
Speaker:So, you know, add whatever you wanna call it.
Speaker:But it, it that's the way that I like to do it.
Speaker:That's way I found it really kind.
Speaker:You helps me.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Nor can I sit eight hours and write, I would go bananas.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:I had to do it a little bit of it at a time and I had to be in the.
Speaker:Mood or the right mind frame.
Speaker:Yes.
Speaker:To write to, um, I like to write at the library because
Speaker:there are minimal distractions.
Speaker:Um, but I also, I also found it peaceful to just sit here and write
Speaker:at home where I was comfortable.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Um, but you know, I had to have peace and quiet.
Speaker:I had to have, you know, it was just me alone with my thinking and, um, you know,
Speaker:that there are some raw moments in my.
Speaker:Where I just, you know, I, I get all vulnerable and I just put it out there.,
Speaker:because we're all that way at some point.
Speaker:Yes.
Speaker:Um, but you know, I, I did not hold back, you know, when I'm, when I'm talking
Speaker:about the moments where I am throwing up, , you know, it's just like, um,
Speaker:There's worse things in books, by the way.
Speaker:So that's not even probably so probably so.
Speaker:Yeah, but you know, the, the points where I, I thought I was on the verge
Speaker:of death, which is obviously much later in my book, but because I got to the
Speaker:point where I feared eating, um, my, my weight plummeted as did my energy, um,
Speaker:my nutrition, my hair began to fall out.
Speaker:Um, No, everybody I do eat, so don't let my hair falling out.
Speaker:I do eat so well, I was, um, I was feeling it up at the top when
Speaker:I would go to shampoo Uhhuh and I was, I was noticing how thin it felt.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:And how coarse and just dry.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:And then, you know, as I'm, as I'm raking my fingers through my hair out outcomes,
Speaker:a clump, and that, that kind of thing had never happened that had to freak you out.
Speaker:I have very thick hair.
Speaker:I have my mom's thick hair.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:So just to see it coming out was very alarming.
Speaker:And I, there I have my mom's knees.
Speaker:Good thing.
Speaker:We can't see them that I get.
Speaker:far things that things that just, um, you know, you, you have nightmares about
Speaker:mm-hmm , um, you know, I, I would step on the scale and find that I'd lost an
Speaker:ungodly amount of weight since last.
Speaker:Oh, wow.
Speaker:You know, and , and some, some people jokingly, you know, would be like, oh
Speaker:my gosh, I wish that would happen to me.
Speaker:No, you don't.
Speaker:No, they don't.
Speaker:yeah, it was extremely scary.
Speaker:Um, you know, stepping out of the shower and catching a glimpse of yourself in
Speaker:the mirror and I, I could see my ribs.
Speaker:Um, and I just, you know, I, I looked like a skeleton.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:That's not a good.
Speaker:People at work were starting to ask me if you know, are things okay?
Speaker:You look sick?
Speaker:And I , they were very good at framing that in a polite fashion.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:But you know, another scary thing is when is when you're trying to hide
Speaker:what's happening from others, because you don't wanna draw attention and
Speaker:suddenly you're faced with the realization that you can't hide it anymore.
Speaker:It's.
Speaker:um, you know, I, I was leaving work sometimes due to my symptoms.
Speaker:Um, I would get brave and feel like, you know, I've lost so much weight.
Speaker:I, I can't, I can't stop eating.
Speaker:I have to eat something.
Speaker:Oh yeah.
Speaker:Um, my motto became, I would rather be hungry than hurt.
Speaker:which was, uh, true.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:Um, you know, but, but you get so lethargic and desperate for energy.
Speaker:That I would get brave and say, you know, regardless of the circumstances
Speaker:or the repercussions, I have got to put something in my body.
Speaker:And so I would have a bite of lunch and then have to leave
Speaker:work because I was in such.
Speaker:So what, so what I was, what I was diagnosed with is called superior
Speaker:mesenteric artery syndrome.
Speaker:And, uh, just to, just to explain it, um, in the, in the quickest and easiest
Speaker:way is that, uh, we all, most of us know that you have an aorta, right?
Speaker:That runs north and south.
Speaker:This is your main vessel for blood and off of your aorta are these little.
Speaker:um, pathways, arteries and each of these arteries has a name and a special
Speaker:function in the superior mesenteric artery, uh, paralleled or intersected,
Speaker:I guess is the better word with the aorta forms, a triangle and inside of
Speaker:this triangle is the very first part of your small intestine called the DWA.
Speaker:So my problem was structural in that my superior mesenteric artery
Speaker:was forming an angle that was much tighter than it should be.
Speaker:you know, someone someone's normal angle might be, yeah.
Speaker:You know, this mine was, you know, for lack of a better word squashing,
Speaker:my DM, you know, if you're, if you're putting a rubber ball right here
Speaker:in this triangle, It was smashed.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:And so theoretically, when I ate food, that first part of your digestion that
Speaker:food was trapped, it could not get, it was like putting a watermelon through a straw.
Speaker:Um, and so my symptoms were in effect of my body reacting to.
Speaker:there's, there's something, you know, it knew there was something wrong.
Speaker:How do, how do we deal with this?
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:And so, you know, it wasn't, it wasn't convulsions, but in an analogy kind
Speaker:of way, it sort of was mm-hmm um, so I, you know, as my body's trying
Speaker:to process this food that is stuck, I was getting pain in that location.
Speaker:And then the, the clammy, the nausea, all of these symptoms, because
Speaker:it almost, um, was almost like it would view it as a foreign object.
Speaker:It's trying to get rid of it.
Speaker:So now is that hereditary?
Speaker:Does it from birth or is it defect or does it just happen?
Speaker:There is a, there is a lot that is still unknown about this condition.
Speaker:Um, there is no one in my family that has this.
Speaker:I've never heard of it.
Speaker:Yeah, it is a rare diagnosis, which is largely why it took
Speaker:them so long to find it.
Speaker:So, um, initially a doctor told me that, um, he thought I maybe
Speaker:had IBS irritable bowel syndrome.
Speaker:Right, right.
Speaker:Um, then a different doctor told me I had Crohn's disease.
Speaker:Mm.
Speaker:And, uh, you know, I'd, I'd go home on the computer and Google this, trying to get
Speaker:some more information or, you know, be, be looking it up elsewhere or asking friends
Speaker:that I knew that had the same thing.
Speaker:And I learned very quickly that, um, to be diagnosed with Crohn's you have to have a
Speaker:colonoscopy because they're looking for.
Speaker:The damage to your insides or evidence right.
Speaker:Of Crohn's.
Speaker:And this doctor that had just diagnosed me with Crohn's had
Speaker:never given me a colonoscopy.
Speaker:Wow.
Speaker:So of course, you know, his credibility then went down, right?
Speaker:Yep.
Speaker:And I, doctor hopped because if I didn't find someone I felt was
Speaker:willing to help me, then I moved on.
Speaker:I was very, um, impatient.
Speaker:To find out what was causing this.
Speaker:So, um, oh yeah.
Speaker:I hope so.
Speaker:yeah.
Speaker:Yeah, of course.
Speaker:Um, you know, my, my first doctor and, and I'm very careful not to mention names.
Speaker:Because as an author, that's something you have to be mindful of.
Speaker:Is slander or, um, you know, somebody picking up this book and
Speaker:saying, you said this about me.
Speaker:. Um, but also as a Christian, right.
Speaker:You know, that's, that's not my nature.
Speaker:Is bad mouth someone publicly.
Speaker:Um, so while I I'm careful not to mention names, my, my first doctor was very.
Speaker:Um, I, I felt he was very ho hum about what was happening.
Speaker:Um, and you know, the response I was getting from him was, you know,
Speaker:here try a sample of Prilosec and I just, I was like, no, like
Speaker:this is not your not indigestion.
Speaker:yeah.
Speaker:I mean, your body, you know, your body.
Speaker:Right, right.
Speaker:So I, you know, I, I quickly moved on to the next person and, um, you
Speaker:know, I, I talk about it in my book at length, but, um, I had a very
Speaker:profound relationship with my mother's mother, my, my grandmother, um,
Speaker:and she worried about me to death.
Speaker:Once she found out I was having this problem.
Speaker:You know, she was always praying for me and I would go visit my
Speaker:grandma without telling one, anyone that I was going, because I wanted
Speaker:that uninterrupted time with her.
Speaker:She was an extremely wise woman and very knowledgeable about the Bible.
Speaker:Um, and I needed that.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:Um, I needed her suggestions.
Speaker:I needed her prayers.
Speaker:I needed her.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:And I would, I would drive the hour home from ball state.
Speaker:To, to spend quality time with grandma for therapeutic reasons.
Speaker:It was like seeing a counselor very much so.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Um, but my, my grandma, uh, was always reading magazines and, and
Speaker:newspapers and had a, she had this leather foot stool where she kept
Speaker:all of these publications oh, wow.
Speaker:So you couldn't put your feet up there.
Speaker:I would, I would laugh because you know, every time I came to visit
Speaker:grandma, she would have something.
Speaker:Knew laid on the foot stool, upside down, like bookmark to
Speaker:share paper in her house next.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:. And so I went to visit her one day and she has, she had the Indianapolis monthly
Speaker:magazine laying upside down in the middle of something she'd been reading.
Speaker:and, you know, I, I hardly get my foot in the, in the door and she says, come on in.
Speaker:I got something for you.
Speaker:And it was, it was this magazine.
Speaker:The, the very cover was, um, a doctor that, that they were spotlighting
Speaker:and he was a gastroenterologist.
Speaker:She had, she had read the article about him and was, uh, bound and determined
Speaker:to get me to go see this fella.
Speaker:Oh, wow.
Speaker:And I will say his name, his name is Robert Callen.
Speaker:We have, we have become great friends during, during the process.
Speaker:Um, I saw Dr.
Speaker:Callen for over 10 years.,
Speaker:Best best doctor I've ever had, um, was extremely helpful to me,
Speaker:not only physically, but, um, dealing with the emotions and
Speaker:trying to process what was going on.
Speaker:you know, sat sat with me during an, an appointment, uh, um, just not rushed
Speaker:we would visit until I felt like I had gotten right value out of the visit.
Speaker:Um, We ran every test we knew to do.
Speaker:Um, he put me through about five colonoscopies.
Speaker:We did endoscopies . We did barium x-rays.
Speaker:We did, um, little studies where you'd swallow this pill and
Speaker:they would watch it go down.
Speaker:You'd eat scrambled eggs and they'd watch it go down.
Speaker:So many different tests, um, But, you know, after a period of time,
Speaker:you just, you find a medicine that helps more than any that you've tried.
Speaker:Yep.
Speaker:And then we just plateaued, there was nothing else to try.
Speaker:There were, there were no new medications on the market.
Speaker:So I ended up with this regiment of pills that I took every day.
Speaker:Some of them were preventative.
Speaker:Um, you know, while, while they never truly prevented something from
Speaker:happening, it was almost placebo effect, because they were intended to minimize,
Speaker:spasms, in the stomach intestinal area.
Speaker:And, so I, I would take preventative medicine and then I also took
Speaker:what he called relief therapy.
Speaker:Which, you know, okay, you eat something and at the first sign
Speaker:of trouble, you take two of these.
Speaker:Um, you know, and it kind of was intended to tell my body to be quiet.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:Everything was okay.
Speaker:Uhhuh . Um, so it, it minimized those, those feelings and symptoms
Speaker:that I would get, but you know, it wasn't, it wasn't the best.
Speaker:It wasn't a cure.
Speaker:Um, I still continued to have complications.
Speaker:I learned along the way that I felt much better, um, as a gluten free person.
Speaker:And I also eventually, so there goes to Mac and cheese, right?
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:And I eliminated dairy after a certain point, too.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:And it was explained to me that.
Speaker:The gluten complication was largely because things containing gluten
Speaker:once they are, um, wet, they expand.
Speaker:And so during the digestive process, you know, expand, you
Speaker:need a piece of bread and woo.
Speaker:And you're, then you're trying to get something down.
Speaker:That problem area that's even larger than potentially when you swallowed it.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:So it made total sense.
Speaker:Um, but I, along the way, I had little things like that that I would learn to
Speaker:help me feel even, even a tiny bit better.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:Um, but just, you know, it's something that I would never wish
Speaker:on to anyone, I got down to 115 pounds when I was finally, um, told
Speaker:that I could have surgery for this.
Speaker:Oh, wow.
Speaker:That has been.
Speaker:What, what I was given was a duo Dino, J SMY.
Speaker:And they, that sounds like something out of the Flintstones.
Speaker:It kinda does.
Speaker:it kinda does.
Speaker:And, um, you know, it's become normal for me to say that word because I'm always
Speaker:conversing and, and sharing with people.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:Um, but I think it's the longest word that I know I, yeah, I.
Speaker:That's probably longer than super Valio I guess it is right.
Speaker:Comes close.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:it's um, it's moving your intestines to the other side of your body to avoid
Speaker:that problem spot, which sounds scary.
Speaker:And, you know, I, I was told, um, multiple times that it's a risky
Speaker:surgery, primarily because you they're working around your aorta.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:And you puncture that and you're.
Speaker:Right on the table.
Speaker:Yeah, mm-hmm and it was very real.
Speaker:Um, but you know, every time I thought about it, I thought if I don't have
Speaker:this surgery, , I'm not gonna be here.
Speaker:Um, I was continuing to lose weight.
Speaker:And at, at what point do I either stop eating altogether or, you know, I'm,
Speaker:I'm lacking so much nutrition that I'm in a sense, starving myself to.
Speaker:And, you know, I, I was ha I was having episodes of getting
Speaker:that black tunnel vision.
Speaker:Because I just, you know, I was deteriorating.
Speaker:Right, right.
Speaker:Frankly, um, you know, I remember we have this giant tree in our
Speaker:backyard and these branches are, you know, the wind blows just slightly.
Speaker:And these branche.
Speaker:Fall in the grass.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:And so, um, my husband's constantly going out and picking
Speaker:up sticks before having to mow.
Speaker:And I went out with him one afternoon, trying to help him do that.
Speaker:And just the motion of bending down, picking, you know, back up, bending
Speaker:down, back up to pick up these sticks.
Speaker:I was maybe five minutes in and started to feel like I was getting wooy and.
Speaker:I thought, you know, I really need to sit down and like now, or I'm gonna fall over.
Speaker:And I just very quickly said, um, can't do this right now.
Speaker:I mean, when you're in that frame of mind, you can't think very well.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:And so the words that come out are just very short and.
Speaker:Um, I, I remember jogging the best, the best that I could right up to
Speaker:the patio and into the sliding door.
Speaker:And I grabbed a banana on the counter, cuz it was the quickest
Speaker:thing I could get to and something I could probably eat pretty quickly.
Speaker:You know, once digested they're soft.
Speaker:So it made sense to me to try that I probably hadn't eaten anything of
Speaker:Stu substance in at least 12 hours.
Speaker:I knew that was the reason for feeling the way I was feeling.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:So I thought if I eat a little, something I'll feel better.
Speaker:Um, but I, I was getting episodes like that frequently.
Speaker:And.
Speaker:Um, you know, I remember looking at some ancestry photos, I was into
Speaker:genealogy for some time and looking through a box of old pictures and the
Speaker:thought occurred to me that I'm gonna meet some of these people soon photo.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:And I'll tell you what, having that thought is scary.
Speaker:Because I knew in my normal frame of mind, I would never have gone there.
Speaker:Right and it, it still gives me goosebumps thinking about it because I just, I
Speaker:feel like, and I wonder sometimes if I had continued and not had my surgery,
Speaker:how long I really would've lasted and I, I don't think it would've been long.
Speaker:Um, So there you are back backtracking a little bit, you know, writing this
Speaker:book at multiple points, uh, led me to tears, just remembering, you
Speaker:know, and, and my husband would walk in after I'd finished a chapter.
Speaker:Oh my gosh.
Speaker:What's wrong?
Speaker:What happened?
Speaker:Nothing.
Speaker:I just wrote chapter or speech after a while ago.
Speaker:Did you write again?
Speaker:yeah.
Speaker:Well, evidently it had a happy.
Speaker:Well, it does, it does have a happy ending.
Speaker:I did have my surgery, um, you know, in, in all honesty, I'm, I'm not cured.
Speaker:Um, I have residual symptoms.
Speaker:My doctor explained because my, my body has adapted and tried
Speaker:to deal with this for so long.
Speaker:That it, it will continue to almost, um, think that something's wrong.
Speaker:And the example that was given to me was amputees.
Speaker:Um, there is apparently something, um, like ghost symptoms.
Speaker:If, um, you know, like if a.
Speaker:Veteran, for example, has a missing limb.
Speaker:They will continue to feel pain, right.
Speaker:In an, in an area where maybe their arm used to be and it's a very real thing.
Speaker:And, you know, it's a phenomena that they don't know a lot about.
Speaker:Um, but my doctor said, you may, you may continue to feel almost as yeah.
Speaker:Phantom.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:As if you're having a reaction again, it's just not as intense.
Speaker:And that's exactly, that's exactly what I go through.
Speaker:Even to the point of the anxiety kind of feeling.
Speaker:That's never completely gone away.
Speaker:I still, there's still almost a phobia about eating in front of others.
Speaker:Because I went for so long in that environment, scared to death that I
Speaker:was going to have a physical reaction there in front of whomever I'm with, you
Speaker:know, be it, my family, be it coworkers.
Speaker:Right.
Speaker:You know, I mean we're frequently having department lunch meetings,
Speaker:and it's just an environment that I'm absolutely uncomfortable.
Speaker:So I will, I will sometimes wait until a meeting is over and, and
Speaker:then have my lunch at my desk.
Speaker:I continue to do it that way, it just, uh, it it's more
Speaker:comfortable to me psychologically.
Speaker:I'm I feel like I'm very broken in that regard.
Speaker:I have had some counseling about it, but don't know that it's really helped.
Speaker:It's just something that, I'm used to.
Speaker:Probably saved you a lot of money.
Speaker:You don't have to buy anybody lunch.
Speaker:put that away and you can retire here in about three or four years.
Speaker:yeah.
Speaker:And being, being gluten and dairy free too, and, and kind of being that person.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Um, you know, you, you don't wanna go to a restaurant and, and try
Speaker:to have to find something that they can accommodate you with.
Speaker:And, and so for that reason too, I'll often eat.
Speaker:Whatever it is, we're having a function for . Um, but all of that said, and
Speaker:kind of, um, balled up, I guess, is, um, thrown in that book and you can count on
Speaker:it being, um, an, an honest, very raw, um, picture of what that was like for me.
Speaker:And.
Speaker:You know, there are a lot of people out there that have things
Speaker:happen to them that, you know, affect them in profound ways.
Speaker:Sure.
Speaker:And that's what I hope writing this book will do is help, help people like that.
Speaker:And so what's the, what's the name and where can people get it?
Speaker:Sure.
Speaker:It's the devil inside me finding Jesus in a life of struggle.
Speaker:It's available on Amazon.
Speaker:And they can either search the book or you, do you have like LinkedIn
Speaker:or Facebook or anything where people can reach out to you and yep.
Speaker:I, for example, maybe a book signing or so.
Speaker:Sure I am on, uh, social media, Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn.
Speaker:Um, I will, I'm also happy to give my email address.
Speaker:It is Mrs.
Speaker:Jeff Johnson, hotmail.com.
Speaker:That's uh, MRSS.
Speaker:J E F F J O H N S O N.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:And, uh, I will certainly respond the best I'm able to, but, um, you know, if
Speaker:you're, if you're seeking a book signing or would like a signed book, um, I will,
Speaker:I will do what I need to, to help you out.
Speaker:So now I have to get back to the storm chasing, cause I'm interested in that.
Speaker:So what in the world?
Speaker:Why would you do that?
Speaker:Yeah, I live in Dallas.
Speaker:I try to avoid 'em even though I like watching them, I don't wanna be in them.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Well, I will say that, uh, um, I think, I think some of my crazy hobbies
Speaker:stem back to the desire to take my mind off what I was going through.
Speaker:Ah, Um, right.
Speaker:But storm chasing for me, you know, there hasn't really been a time that I remember
Speaker:that I wasn't interested in storms.
Speaker:, I remember as a child, you know, we would hear the siren going off for the tornado.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:And my mom is trying to get all of our, you know, all of us kids rounded up
Speaker:and we, we always went to the stairs under, or the closet under the stairs.
Speaker:And, um, you know, she'd have everybody in there except for Sarah because I was,
Speaker:you were outside against the, uh, the glass door wanting to see something cool.
Speaker:Before I got scolded, my dad would do the same thing he would, would do the
Speaker:sirens or, or thunder or lightning.
Speaker:He said, you know, go in here and he would be at the door looking outside.
Speaker:I do the same thing.
Speaker:Now we have sirens that are pretty close to where I live.
Speaker:Never going.
Speaker:I'm out front.
Speaker:I'm like, where's the storm.
Speaker:I mean, I'm like, what the heck is going on here?
Speaker:And I know that's a terrible thing to say as a storm chaser because you're supposed
Speaker:to be encouraging people to do, you know, the right thing, seeing the shelter.
Speaker:I do the opposite.
Speaker:I, I get in my car and I go and I go see what I can see, but,
Speaker:for me, As ironic as it is.
Speaker:It's, it's very relaxing.
Speaker:To, to be under, um, something so mystifying, I guess, you
Speaker:know, they're beautiful.
Speaker:The storms are beautiful and ramifications are terrible, the damage,
Speaker:but they're absolutely spectacular.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Um, so are we gonna see a book called, Sarah and the storm chasing you know,
Speaker:I don't, I don't know that I will write a storm chasing book, although I do,
Speaker:I do have thoughts of another book.
Speaker:Um, well, awesome.
Speaker:The question is which, which thought I'm going to move forward with?
Speaker:I raise butterflies is also a hobby of mine.
Speaker:And so I would like to write a children's book about how to do that.
Speaker:Um, I think it would, so pep is already taken.
Speaker:So don't, don't call your book peppy on.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:Noted.
Speaker:. Yeah, I also, um, I have some unique family history that I'd like to, um,
Speaker:expand into a historical fiction book, kind of taking the folk floor that we've
Speaker:been told, um, and just running with it.
Speaker:um, so there's that idea?
Speaker:Um, I, I have thoughts of writing another Christian book.
Speaker:About different topics, although, you know, what, what kind of haunts
Speaker:me about that is, is just, I guess, you know, we were talking early on
Speaker:about insecurities and how easy it is for someone to say, you know, well,
Speaker:you know, maybe I don't think I know enough about the Bible to, uh, do that.
Speaker:Or, you know, I'm, I'm just not skilled enough to, to be convincing
Speaker:or to point people towards the gospel.
Speaker:Um, but you know, in reality, you know, I look at, I look at scripture and think
Speaker:about how many times God uses a nobody.
Speaker:Right?, look at Mary.
Speaker:Yeah.
Speaker:Most of us know who Mary is and her story.
Speaker:Um, he uses so many people like that.
Speaker:Who's to say that I'm not supposed to tell people about Jesus.
Speaker:Um, so I'm just I'm right now, I'm trying to listen to my heart.
Speaker:Um, I also have had thoughts about writing a companion workbook.
Speaker:To the book that I just finished, um, in an effort to get this used as
Speaker:a, in like in a Bible study setting.
Speaker:I, you know, one of my flaws is that I'm indecisive and so trying to
Speaker:decide which way, well, you don't have to make a decision right now.
Speaker:So yeah.
Speaker:yeah.
Speaker:Which, which thing I want to work towards first.
Speaker:Okay.
Speaker:Um, but right now I'm, I'm in enjoying this first book and trying
Speaker:to, trying to give readers my time.
Speaker:Right now.
Speaker:Excellent.
Speaker:Because I know that as soon as I start another project that will dominate
Speaker:my time because I, I wanna give, you know, anything, my undivided attention.
Speaker:Great.
Speaker:Well, Sarah, it's been a pleasure talking to you today and learning about your story
Speaker:and I hope it's an inspiration to others.
Speaker:Um, that may feel like, you know, don't, don't give up.
Speaker:If you don't, something's not right.
Speaker:Don't give up and try and figure out what is not right with you.
Speaker:Don't let people say there's nothing wrong with you or go until you
Speaker:reach the, the very last place you can go to get a definitive answer,
Speaker:to answer what's in your mind.
Speaker:Not, not to, not for them to pacify what they think you have.
Speaker:Yep.
Speaker:Follow your gut.
Speaker:No pun intended.
Speaker:Exactly.
Speaker:There you go.
Speaker:all right.
Speaker:Well, Sarah, thank you very much.
Speaker:And folks, go check out her book.
Speaker:Thank you.
Speaker:Thank you.
